His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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