My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You need Xanax blowdarts
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i believe in u and ur pee
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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