I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
