wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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