ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Randomize
