I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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