before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
