My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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