Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
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Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
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