I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
