I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
