You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize