is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
