So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
