At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
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somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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