Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm always down for nudity.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
