I didn't shave. On purpose
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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