Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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