Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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