its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
