Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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