She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
