You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
