So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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