I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
