So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
