big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
3 2 1 whiskey
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
