I will die if light touches me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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