Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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