i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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