Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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