Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
