He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
