I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
