I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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