I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
