so explain again why im purple
no
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
