when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
