I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
