So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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