I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
