chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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