I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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