i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
