Got a toothbrush?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
