I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize