just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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