My room smells like vodka and shame
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
