I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
