getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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