Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
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I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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