true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
