yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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