wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
