apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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