its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
