i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The Olympian is in my bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
