community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
