i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize