and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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