May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
