It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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