I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
