she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
