walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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