I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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