We got so high we made milksteak
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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