I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
