Someone shit on the floor
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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