Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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