you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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