My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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