So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
